When you blame yourself for your divorce, you’re subjecting yourself to a lot of mental anguish—and while you may think you deserve it, it’s not very healthy to shoulder all of that guilt. Even if your divorce is largely your own doing, forgiving yourself is the first step toward leading a happier, mentally healthier life.
“My Divorce is My Fault”
Whether you feel as if you put work first too often, you neglected your spouse, or if one of you went outside the marriage for intimacy, you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders.
First things first: ask your Barrie divorce lawyer to refer you to a therapist so you can talk through your situation with an impartial third party. If you’re not comfortable with that, lean on your support network. Friends and family can be an invaluable asset when they let you get things off your chest during divorce.
Forgiving Yourself May Not Be Easy
Nearly everyone who’s been in a situation like yours can tell you that it’s harder to forgive yourself than it is to forgive anyone else. However, self-resentment and anger can interfere with your everyday life; they can even lead to chronic stress and physical ailments.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you’re letting yourself off the hook. What it does mean, according to social worker Sharon A. Hartman, is that you’re accepting what you did and confirming that you’ve learned from it—and affirming that you won’t do the same thing again, even if it’s just to yourself.
Asking Your Ex for Forgiveness
Sometimes it’s extremely helpful to ask your ex to forgive you for what you did. Letting him or her know that you’re very sorry for your actions, even if it seems incredibly difficult, can help free you from some of your guilt so that you can move on.